So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
