Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
