when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
