do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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