I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
