apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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