you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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