What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
