drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
