ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
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