Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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