I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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