On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
