She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
