so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
