He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
