An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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