Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
