If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
