Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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