So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
