Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
