I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
