Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
