Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
