dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
