The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
