i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
