Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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