I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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