and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
