how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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