I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
