shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
