Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
