and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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