I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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