I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
