She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
