alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
