so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
