This is not my ceiling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
