Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
