I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
