My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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