So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
