please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
