im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
