I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
