Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
