I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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