he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
